you know those days when you just want to get over the whole day and just lie on your bed. it's so early to feel lazy, but im really not in the mood for work today.

but i don't really have a choice.

this job is starting to bore me. after the crazy schedule i had for the first two weeks of june i suddenly got tired of everything. i just want to sleep.


bambi and i, well, we're not on the best of terms right now. aside from the fact that we didn't have enough time to talk, we are either too tired or too busy, he just gets irritated so easily these days.

it's not like him to get mad at a joke, being a joker himself.. but this week every joke that i throw at him gets him even angrier.

it's like, i can't see bambi anymore. he is starting to be more 'francis' than 'bambi' as days go by.

and so he told me he doesn't know who is at fault. my being uncooperative for the event that we are planning, or he's being irritated at everything i do. i can understand if he's stressed, but he's not the only one who's bummed by everything.

why does he have to throw every fault at me? every little thing that i do turns into an argument. i am slowly getting tired of it. i know he is, too.


so what did i do about it?

pretty much the same thing that i did most of my life. ignore, ignore, ignore.

like i ignored the fact that we don't have our parents while we were growing up.

like i ignored that longing to have everybody at christmas, or just on a single day, any single day that i can have everyone in my family, all of us under one roof.

like i ignored the hostility of living without anyone to protect you, or to cherish you or to cover you while you are sleeping.

pretty simple, really.


but how can i ignore someone that i love, to keep ignoring me?

every fight that we have, no matter how angry i am, i still give in. why? because he is the only one who loves me. who cherishes me. who makes me feel that i am somebody who is special to somebody.

i am not a humanitarian. i am not a social worker. but i am special to somebody. and that feeling, no matter how hard it is to keep it alive, im pushing it til the edge of reality.

because this is one thing that is better than any daydream.

because he is worth it.

because i love him so much.






great. i can't post this. it's too dramatic...



but then, what is the sense of blogging?

if we'll all just write simple posts, nobody would read it. nobody would visit our blog. nobody would understand. nobody would notice...